My apologies that I am running a bit behind this week. This past Saturday was my birthday and as a surprise for the big 4-0, my mother and my two sons flew in from out of state and were here for four days. My birthday was wonderful and the excitement has dwindled down, but I am behind my usual point for school work, housework, and life in general. I am working diligently to get to where I need to be, but feel like I’m barely treading water at the moment. Hang on while I go switch a load of laundry and I’ll be right back to write some more.
Okay, where was I? Anyway, chores are going and here I am writing about cherishing my spouse, which I really don’t feel like doing at the moment. You see, he and I don’t always see eye to eye, but isn’t that they way with every marriage? We had a little spat this morning and he left for work angry and I got left at the house to stew about his bad attitude. That’s just how life goes every once in a while. And that is okay. We have since apologized to one another, because that is how it goes.
As I was reading the assigned text for this week’s work one chapter in Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage by Dr. H. Wallace Goddard and two chapters in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John M. Gottman I realized something… I realized how much I do cherish my husband. He is my best friend and I would do anything for him – yep, anything. I take care of him when he has a migraine, I listen to him when he’s had a bad day at work, I listen to him when he had a good day at work, I kiss him good night, I hold his hand at the dinner table during prayer, I go to the store and get him everything he needs for working around our property, and I love him with all of my heart. If Heavenly Father loves me half as much as I love my husband, I am a blessed girl.
Even though I love him, we have those spats every now and then. My husband isn’t much of a talker and many times I am left guessing how he is feeling or what he is thinking when he isn’t very happy. I promise you, Heavenly Father did not provide me with the crystal ball that I need, but we manage. When things start to go sideways, I let him know that it’s time that he tells me what’s going on in that brain of his so that I’m not lost and confused – and most of the time he does.
In the reading material, there were lists upon lists with games to play and questions to ask your spouse. As I read through the first several lists that essentially provided a score to let you know how you and your spouse are doing, I was pretty impressed that I “passed” the tests. There were questions that saddened me too. I read some of them, like “I can list my partner’s three favorite movies” and “I can tell you the most stressful thing that happened to my partner as a child,” these made tears well in my eyes. I wish I knew the answers, but I simply don’t. Some of you may wonder – how can you not know these things? The answer is simple – I don’t watch many movies, so we haven’t talked about movies very much and my husband is pretty closed up about his childhood – every once in a while I get a glimpse into his youth. I just discovered a couple of weeks ago that one of our daughter’s friends is the daughter of his high school girlfriend – the girl he went to prom with. I didn’t even know that he went to his senior prom until then. The bright side to all of this though, is that starting this week, he and I will begin going on date night each week and I will bring my handy dandy books with me and I will get to open it up to all of those pages that I stuck colorful flags on and I can just ask him.
Today is going to be a rough day – it started out with a spat and as I sit here and write, I have tears running down my cheeks as I think of all the little intricacies about my husband that I don’t know, but that I am blessed to be able to ask him. I want to know these things, I want to continue to care for him when he has bad days or migraines, and I know that he prides himself in the work that he does to provide for our little (or not so little) family. He and I work well, we mesh, we just fit. He and I love each other, and I know that for both of us our biggest fear is losing one another – having to go on in this life without our best friend to have each and every day.
If you are in a position that you don’t have these little spats now and then, a bad day which you can bounce back from – it’s time to rejuvinate, revitalize, and get excited about loving your spouse. You married him/her for a reason, relight that candle and get moving. A great place to start and for pretty cheap is to get yourself a copy of Dr. Gottman’s book. IT IS WONDERFUL! I dare you… do it!
PS (this is dedicated to Maryann) How did it turn out? Well …. I was home and he was at work. Each day when he arrives at his job for the morning, he sends me three text messages that read: “I’m here.” “Yes,Ma’am.” “I love you today.” And in reply, I send him three text messages back: “Safe and sound” “Good” “I love you today too.” Before these messages ever took place yesterday (because he had such a long drive) I had typed out a lengthy text message explaining my frustration and apologizing for what was most likely construed as accusatory. He then chose to take the high ground (one of his great qualities) and told me thank you for making his lunch and he then apologized for being cranky and rude. We proceeded with our day and regular routine. Last night was perhaps a little sweeter than usual snuggling at bed time. We both realized that we were wrong and we both apologized to one another. . . being married to your best friend is practically perfect in every way.